Now here's something really profound. It is not always easy to stutter publicly. People's reactions are as unpredictable as my stuttering is.
I work in a high school, which is challenging enough. Add to the mix some stuttering and it feels like a roller coaster ride some days. Anyway, part of my job is to train all the students in the building on sexual harassment prevention. Its a big job for one person. There's about 500 students in the building, half there in the morning, the other half in the afternoon.
The only way one person can get this done is class by class, so a whole bunch of presentations. So I am talking to kids about negative sexual attention all day. And kids get giggly when we talk about this! Sometimes I have trouble with "s" words, which sex and sexual both begin with. And it would be stupid to try and substitute those words - it just wouldn't make any sense.
So I have muddled through this week, doing fairly well, managing the stuttering. But today, I was having a stuttery day and "sexual" was not easy to say. Some kids were giggling as I stuttered on the word. It was coming out "se-se-se-se-sex-u-u-ual".
One kid shouted, "don't worry miss, no need to get nervous about saying sex. We know even older people have it."
Whoa, even I had to laugh at that one! The whole class did. We were laughing together, and it was OK.
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They often say laughter is the best medicine! How long has it taken you to feel OK about your stuttering? What steps have you taken to guard against your feelings and attitudes towards stuttering? I commend you for your bravery and honesty and appreciate your willingness for our fluency class to learn more about you! Thanks.
ReplyDeleteHa ha, It has taken me a loooong time to feel Ok with my stuttering, and it is often still very much situational. Sometimes I am very open and totally comfortable, and other times I can very clearly feel shame creep in.
ReplyDeleteI have worked on acceptance - that would be the most important step I have taken. Aceptance for some people has to come first. Acceptance of who I am as a person is much more important than mastering fluency techniques.
You folks coming into the field get a great chance to learn about both. And I have gradually learned that humor is useful, safe and a great way to reduce tension.
Thanks for the great comments.
Pam
Pam,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I'd like to say that I think it's great you are finally able to talk about your stuttering and that you are coming to accept it. It really seems like you have come a long way, so congrats! We have learned that it is definitely an important piece of therapy to focus on the person's feelings and attitudes toward his/her stuttering. I have a question that you may have already answered, and if you have, just refer me elsewhere. How do you address your stutter with the kids that you work with in the high school? Do you openly discuss it before class starts at the beginning of the year, or is it something that kind of comes up and then you address it? Again, you may have answered this somewhere, so I'm sorry if you have. I'd really appreciate knowing more. Thanks for being so brave and for answering all our questions!!
Melissa
Hi Melissa, Well, I kind of take a wait and see attitide, mainly because in school the students need to come first, not me and the stuttering. So, I went to see if it comes up and then take the opportunity for a teachable moment. One thng I have learned is that kids genuinely respect when I am upfront with them. They feel valued that I would trust them with something so personal about myself. So its amuch for them aas it is to lessen my own anxiety.
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