For all the years I stayed covert, so did the actual topic of my stuttering within my family. It was taboo, not talked about. I guess everyone felt, including me, that if it wasn't talked about, it wasn't really there. Big time denial!
Since coming out and being open about my stuttering, it has mostly been with non-family members. But I have been able to talk with my sister Kim from time to time. We talked about stuttering Friday night. She called me at 1:30 in the morning with a computer problem (not unusual). The talk led to the presentation I had done last week at the parents group. She asked me about it. I told her I had recorded parts of it, and she could see it on YouTube.
So she watched it while still on phone with me. Kim then said she was so proud of me. She says it is "so cool" that I am opening myself up like this and inspiring others. She then went on to say that God made me with a stutter, and it is beautiful and unique. She said all the rest of the world talks like her, but I get to stutter. By that point, I had tears streaming down my face.
That was worth staying up until 2:30 in the morning for!
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Hi Kim,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this story with us! Our last class we also discussed the impact of family member reactions on a stutterer and the effect it has on one's self-esteem/self-concept. Joe has explained to us that not discussing stuttering can often make individuals (especially children), feel they are doing something wrong or bad. Do you feel that not discussing stuttering with your family lead you to a similar conclusion? Do you think that not talking about stuttering was due to the lack of knowledge we had?
Its really great that your sister has taken an interest in this aspect of your life! Must give you some comfort in knowing you can discuss this with her.
Pam,
ReplyDeleteI thought your story about finally being able to share your experience of stuttering with your sister was really inspiring. We learn lots in class about many different aspects of stuttering and ways we will be able to help people as therapists. However, I've really enjoyed learning lately about the personal effects stuttering has on people and their families. I think it is these personal stories and opinions about stuttering that help me truly understand the effects (good and bad!) that people who stutter experience.
In talking with Joe and Joy in our classes, I have been able to put a face and stories to the hardships and triumphs stuttering often leads people through. I thought your story showed the wonderful impact that finally opening up and talking to people you love can have on someone's life. How great! I'm sure that made both you and your sister feel wonderful; I hope you can continue to talk with her more about your stuttering in the future!
Erin
Hi Samantha and Erin,
ReplyDeleteIt has been truly liberating to finally be able to talk with at least one family member openly and honestly about how I feel and felt about stuttering all these years.
I thing not talking about it, really talking, did lead me to believe stuttering was bad, and I was bad, as a child. It was such a taboo, and probably due in part to a lack of knowledge.
I now know (from my sister) that my mom felt guilty about not insisting to my dad that I needed speech therapy, at least some support.
And yeah, opening up, has made a huge impact on my life. It is very comforting to know that my sister Kim really gets thispart of my life,and is interested. She asks me questions constantly, as if we are making up for lost time. She has watched some of my videos, and reads my other blog.
I never in a million years thought that I would be doing what I am doing now - being honest about something that was so really painful. It makes me feel that I can be honest about lots of other things too, which is very healing.
Thanks for the good questions and feedback!
Dear Pam- How nice it must be for you to not live in the shadows any longer with your sister. It sounds like she supports you and is proud of you. Being honest with your sister about your stuttering may open up doors for you to feel comfortable with other family members eventually too. Everything takes time and patience. Thank you for your story.
ReplyDeleteHi Pam,
ReplyDelete'Talking with my sister' was a beautiful story.
I am wondering about the relationship between you opening up about stuttering and the opening up of others. It may be a chicken and an egg situation, but do you think that others don't broach the subject because you don't, or that you don't discuss it because it's taboo? I'm thinking about your conversation with your sister, and how it occurred after you openly discussed stuttering and were posting videos. She seemed very receptive and willing to talk about it- do you think this is how she felt about it all along? Or is it a new reaction to your openness?
Please let me know what you think, and how other family members react to your new openness with your stuttering.
My sister has told me she ALWAYS wanted to talk to me about the stuttering, but never did because I never did. I feel that maybe we could have had such better,closer relationshipif we had been this open with each other all the while. And its funny, I have been open about my stuttering now for about three years, but me and Kim have really only started talking about it recently.
ReplyDeleteI have 4 other siblings. None of them are comfortable talking about my stuttering. If I bring it up,they quickly change the subject. For a while, that upset me.Now I just see it as their loss. :)
I have evolved into a completely different person, more confident, insightful, giving,and they are missing out on that. My father and I have been estranged for quite sometime. The roots of that are deep, partly because he was so critical of my stutteirng at a young age, and that is what basically drove me to be so covert.
My mom freezes up when the topic is broached,and she gets visibly uncomfortable when I openly stutter around her.
I think becasue it was taboo for so long, as well as other things that we all learned to NOT talk about, that it is like a foreign language to my sibs and parents now. Its harder to learn a new language the older you get.
I am really glad that you students are getting to see how emotionally complex stuttering can be. It definitley is not just about the speech!