More Than What Comes Out Of My Mouth

Stuttering has touched every aspect of my life, but for a very long time, I didn't realize it. I have stuttered since I was 5 years old. I received negative messages right away, from both by father and my kindergarten teacher. Don't let anyone tell you that a kid that young can't internalize, because they can.

I learned right away that something was wrong or bad about stuttering. I felt like I was bad, and didn't want to hear bad things from the adults around me. So I learned very quickly to not stutter, then I wouldn't be told to "shut up" or "stop that". But it was hard to not stutter, so I pretty much just didn't talk.

I am in my forties now, and have lived a very long time trying to keep this huge secret. A little more than three years ago, I decided enough was enough, and chose to come out of my stuttering closet. IT WAS HARD! Life long habits are very hard to break.

Even harder to deal with was the overwhelming emotions. Not only had I hid my stuttering, that which you can see and hear, I had also hid so many of the emotions. Fear, shame, guilt, hopelessness, embarrassment. You see, stuttering includes so much more than what comes out of my mouth. Actually, what does not come out may be just as, if not more than, significant.

I hope those of you reading this decide to make a real commitment to understand stuttering. It is a complex speech disorder that effects the whole person. You absolutely must understand that if you are going to work with people who stutter. If you work with kids and teens who stutter, you have to understand the family dynamics and include the parents. And if you work with adults who stutter, like me, understand that there is much to be gained by really getting to know all what is included in this thing called stuttering.

Fear of stuttering publicly kept me locked up inside of myself for a very long time. I was afraid of social punishment - of being rejected, misunderstood, ridiculed. I was afraid of not being accepted. But I couldn't stand not being true to myself any longer. The internal struggle became more fearful than the fear of allowing myself to be vulnerable.

I have realized that I have so much to offer the world, and my stuttering self makes me unique. Don't be afraid of stuttering - open yourself up to what you can learn about the power of relationships, by realizing its way more than just what comes out of my mouth.

I have made several videos about stuttering - check out this one! Feel free to leave comments!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDL3zGNMiGo

Welcome to the Stuttering Class Blog

Hi everyone. Welcome to our blog. To the left you will find useful links both for class and for therapy with people who stutter. Pam Mertz, who is a member of Fluency Council and a blogger, will be my co-host during the semester. We hope you find this blog to be a great way to learn more about stuttering and post questions and comments. The video linked to the title is a great example of how stuttering is a very individual disorder. Each person has their own stuttering pattern, as unique as a fingerprint. We will be doing a lot of work early in the semester discussing what stuttering is and what about stuttering is important.